i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
