we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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