how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize