Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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