I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dicks are not precious.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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