Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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