Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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