i just google imaged poop.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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