I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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