I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
