I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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