legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
