I wish I could teleport
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize