Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
