After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
