Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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