Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
