my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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