I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
