I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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