I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize