Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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