It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
