Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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