Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
