There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
