dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just tell him i said nine months
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
