I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As shirtless as possible
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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