nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she was so not down for the gang bang
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize