Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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