your thong is hanging out like whoa
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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