put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is Oprah even human
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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