I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
