if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Floor bacon is actually really good
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
