My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
