An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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