Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it's like iHOP with fire
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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