Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
