Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Two words: blizzard sex
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
