dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize