WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
