My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
