so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
