how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
