2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize