So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
