so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
