I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
