my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
