Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
