Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
