Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
