Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize