I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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