I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
