dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
