So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
