you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
