sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You ate ashes out of my bong
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
