i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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