You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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