i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
