Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
