i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the raccoons are back...
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