they need to just BURY HIM!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
