I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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