I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
