Just fell off a train. Bad.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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