enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
