Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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