I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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