hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
