4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
