i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
