Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
